Excessive caution destroys the soul and the heart, because living is an act of courage, and an act of courage is always an act of love. Manuscript Found in Accra - Paulo Coelho
Do you use your worry as the blade of ‘responsibility for them’ in the battle to protect the ones you love from your worst fears?
Do you honestly think and feel that if you do not worry then your love is diminished?
Do you say to yourself and others ‘I only worry because I love and care for her/him/them so much’?
Do you judge others by thinking that if they don’t worry they can’t love as much or as well as you do?
Do you know that if you don’t worry for them then some harm may befall your loved one/s?
Do you know that if you don’t fight their corner with your blade of worry then they will suffer in some way?
If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of those then you are a love worrier.
Love and fear are the opposite ends of the spectrum of emotions. When we worry we are near the fear end and there will be a fear underlying our worry. When we are being Love Worriers it is usually to do with keeping the people we love or care about safe with our worry; we make their safety, wellness, sobriety, solvency or whatever our responsibility.
Fear is a dependency and when we worry about a loved one then we are depending on them to actually keep US safe from loss or pain; or we worry and enlist others to uphold our worry and do the blade running for us but in doing so keep US safe. This actually dis-empowers the very person we are trying to help as well as ourselves. We hold them in our energy of fear which can become a rut forever going round and round and round until it becomes the self-prophecy of doom, pain and loss.
When we worry about a loved one who is driving to their home away from us and we say
‘Please phone or text me to let me know you’ve arrived,(said or unsaid – ‘I won’t settle till I know you are safely home’).’
what we are actually saying is
‘I don’t trust you to stay safe’.
We may justify it by saying it’s not him/her but the others on the road who could be a danger but ultimately it is us that we want to keep safe from having to experience the pain or loss from them not staying safe. If we have made sure they know how to drive and to know all the safety issues that they may need in an emergency then we have done our job. When we can let go of the worry and let them know that we trust them to do what is right, and know that they will be safe, then they are free to be safe and not led by our fear.
‘Have a good drive home, speak to you soon, I love you.’
What would that feel like to hear compared to the first? It is empowering: it is saying I trust you to look after yourself and I love you, be free.
And in that moment of surrendering your worry you become
A Love Warrior. How sweet and joyous is that?
A quick word about worry in general
Worry in itself, about ourselves or something we need to do, has a good reason to be in our awareness. It causes action of some kind and if we create a worry list then worry becomes a thing that is transient at most.
A worry list is a list of worries in three catergories –
1. Things I’m worried about that I can do something about right NOW = end of worry. E.G. I have to write a difficult letter and I can do it right now and cross it off the list.
2. Things that I’m worrying about that need doing at a date in the future = STOP worrying NOW and in the future put it into list 1. E.G. I have to write a difficult letter next month, I will stop worrying now and when the time comes I will put it in list 1 and write the letter immediately.
3. Things I’m worrying about that I have no power to change myself = STOP and send universal love and healing to the situation. E.G. Radioactive contamination from Japan is going to travel through the ocean and poison us all, send love and healing to Japan and the ocean.
Number 1 you do right now and then the worry has gone.
Number 2 you stop worrying until the the ‘thing’ moves to number 1 and then you do whatever is needed and the worry has no place to be.
Number 3 is to do with issues outside of yourself that you have no power over at all such as what other people do or their issues, world issues of war, famine, ecology, financial institutions etc.etc. In the moment that worry arises in this category let it go immediately and send love/healing/light or just plain good thoughts of happiness for an outcome that is of benefit to all.
Worrying is not love or care or helpful when it lasts for more than a moment or two. Be kind to yourself and let go of being a worrier and if you happen to be one of those people who are happiest when you are worrying then ….. be happy.
My love to you all.